another day, another disappointment...

ok, here i am to vent again. i'm trying to get it all out so i don't make my husband not want to talk to me because i'm always upset about something. i don't know why he wouldn't expect me to be upset, but whatever. so all i've been doing is waiting to talk to him all evening, it's really the only highlight of my sad little day. so i get a call around 10, and he tells me he's going out drinking with his friends and that he's probably not going to get his r&r over christmas, and he will call me in about an hour and a half. ok, first of all, i guess...no i know...that i'm jealous. he has people to be around and at least gets to have fun at night, no matter what he does all day. in the meantime, i'm alone constantly, at all times. so i sit and wait to talk to him on webcam, just to find out he's going out with friends. it's not that i don't want him to enjoy himself when he can, i just want him to understand my point of view at the same time. i've always struggled with that though, i guess no matter how much we love each other our minds are still wired completely differently. he has no idea what it's like to sit at home all the time waiting. anyway, as if that wasn't enough, he tells me he's not going to get his r&r over christmas, essentially leaving me here to deal with all the family bullshit by myself. i know this is not his fault, i just feel like everything i want just gets turned down...it's like knowing you're going to be punched in the stomach...you know it's coming, but each punch still hurts. and that's it. that's what i've been waiting for all evening? fuck no. this isn't going to be like this...i can't handle it. tomorrow i will be doing something in the evening, whether it's storming like it has today or not. i just got to talk to him again and i feel somewhat better, hopefully enough to be able to sleep now...