a better day...

ok, so i started out the night having a pity party for myself, but the more i thought, the better the night got. and by the end of the night, i even got to talk to my husband, making it one of the best yet! my night began by myself, watching two movies ondemand. it's saturday night, and i had a healthy choice pizza for dinner. after the second movie ended, i decided it was time for a cigarette. i'm not a "smoker" i just like my occasional cigarette to take the edge off. while i was having a cigarette, i went and set out on our deck, as i normally do. as i was sitting there, i was thinking about my life and how lucky i really am. nobody else i know has the kind of love i have for my husband. i mean, seriously, i am married to a man that i love more than life itself. i would do anything in the world to be with him, he honestly is my best friend, the only person who i can say anything to and not feel judged. I can only strive to be that person for him, the one who does not judge and whom he can tell anything to and still feel safe. while i was sitting out there, i also thought about my reward for all these lonely nights. while there are many people in this world who understand my pain, most do not. most people have no idea what it's like to live without something you can't live without. however, while i am feeling this pain now, i know that i will soon experience a HIGH that only a low low pain can bring. when i see chris again i know it will be the only time i will ever be more happy to see him than i was on our wedding day. and that's not something to take lightly. the love i had on our wedding day took me to highs i had never experienced before, and i know in my heart that this will be an even greater high. i've never loved somebody so much that i had to live without for 5 months. when we were in college it used to kill me to go 4 days without seeing him. when i lived in greensboro and he lived in chapel hill, i hated going from sunday night to saturday night without him. now of course 4 or 5 days seems like absolutely nothing. i feel like these 5 months will be the hardest time we will ever face, but when it's over, i get another year of being a newlywed! lucky me, right?!? i think so, and next year will prove it. next year i'll get to cuddle up with my husband every night, and every night i will be so thankful he is here with me. all in all, i've been by myself tonight, which was good and gave me some time to think about things....but i'm happy. i'm happy that i am who i am, and that my life is my life. i can't think of anyone i would trade with. i love my husband more than anybody in this world. i am grateful for the friends and family that i have. i love you all, and goodnight!